


beetlejuice's friend

by dontgotothenetherworld



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24700162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontgotothenetherworld/pseuds/dontgotothenetherworld
Summary: beetlejuice's friend, also a demon, tries to save the maitlands from beetlejuice and falls in love with them in the process. originally posted to my tumblr of the same username as a request by anon on jan. 28, 2020.
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland/Reader
Kudos: 5





	beetlejuice's friend

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous asked:  
> Can I maybe request an reader whose bj's friend but has been for too long so they know BJ all too well saving the maitland from his advances and falls in love with them?
> 
> i am incredibly tired rn so i’m not sure if i fully understand what you’re asking, but i’m vibing w/ what i think you’re asking so yea (the maitlands x beej’s friend reader). you say beej’s friend, so reader’s a demon ahaha
> 
> also, i (before writing) feel like there are some lines that’re in the script that i can work off of, so there is a good bit of fourth wall breaking. only beej and reader can talk to/ interact with audience.
> 
> 1493 words
> 
> cw: gnreader.

”the people who live there? i’ve been watching them for a while, and yeah it’s very creepy.” beej monologued. or would it be soliloquyed? soliloqueyed doesn’t sound as good, so let’s go with monologued. “and now, finally, they’re about to die!” beej liked talking to the audience. it made him feel important. you rolled your eyes. “they’re gonna be my new best friends!”   
you stepped out of the wings. “and what would that make me?” while beej was more of a musical theatre kind of guy, you were much more of a sitcom kind of guy, so you imagined a camera zoom like in the office.  
”i’m this asshole’s best friend, and trust me when i say this, that’s not a position you want.” you addressed the audience.  
”oh? what position would you prefer?” beej lowered his voice.  
you scoffed, “case and point. you’ll be getting a lot of that in this goddamn show. single men, take notes on what not to do!”  
beej frowned.  
”barbara, i’m home!” speaking of sitcoms, here comes the loving husband. damn, can’t relate.  
beetlejuice turned from you to the audience, “adam and barbara maitland!”  
”was there traffic on the bridge?” barbara asked like she actually cared. damn, can’t relate.  
”bill hadley on his tractor. i was like, “pick a lane, bill.””  
”isn’t this amazing? it’s the last day of their entire lives and this is what they’re talking about.” said beetlejuice.  
”beej, take you on a random day and say that’s your last day ever. do you say any impressively insightful shit?” you ask.  
”absolutely.” beej grins.  
”not.” you finish his sentence. the scene returns to the maitlands before he can say anything else.  
i’m sure you’ve seen the show, you know how it goes. maitlands are boring, maitlands sing fast because they have anxiety, maitlands conveniently die at the end of their song, beetlejuice rejoices. whatever, we don’t care about that part. i mean we do, just not right now.  
”sometimes, puppet shows are sad.” you say, directed at the small child in the third row. who brings their eight year old to see beetlejuice?  
”barbara are you alright?” the moment passed.  
you and beetlejuice hide offstage as the maitlands figure out they’re dead. It’s rather annoying, when breathers die. they always have the same reaction. they could spice it up sometimes.   
you suppose that’s what beej is here to do. to spice up their reactions.  
beetlejuice rings the doorbell. without waiting for either of them to answer, he walks right in. he introduces himself and starts singing. you walk in behind him, arms crossed.  
one of the cheerleaders runs past you, knocking into your arm.   
”i’m the b to the double e j f q and jesus, i can’t spell.” beetlejuice eyed the maitlands up and down.  
the maitlands seemed like nice people. they don’t deserve what was sure to come to them. you stood yourself up from the door frame, and made your way to the center of the room where the trio where.  
”let’s all get naked!” beetlejuice screamed.   
”no!” the maitlands screamed back. you swung your backhanded fist into his stomach.   
”oh!” he let out a guttural noise. “worth a try.” he reasoned.  
”what is happening?” barbara asked in a shaky voice, her eyes flashing between the two demons before her. one, who hadn’t spoken a single word, and the other who wouldn’t fucking shut up.  
beetlejuice went back to trying to convince them that they should ‘hire’ him. while insulting them, of course, because why wait until a relationship turns unhealthy when you can just start it off that way?  
”i’m like a ghost zombie jesus!” god, you needed new friends. maybe you can steal the maitlands away. if you think about it, and you do, it would really only be a win situation from that. you wouldn’t have to deal with beej, you’d get some new friends who would be kind to you. the maitlands wouldn’t even have to think about beetlejuice again, and they would get to hang out with you, and not to toot your horn but you’re pretty damn cool. at first, beetlejuice would lose, with the whole everyone abandoning him thing, but you’re pretty sure that it’s be this time that he changed himself to be a better person.  
you hope.  
”i think we’re a perfect fit! come on, let’s make out a bit!” you physically pushed beetlejuice away from the maitlands.  
beej just gave you an annoyed look, and went back to right next to them, giving them is sales pitch.  
you slunk off to the couch. you spread your body across it as if you owned it. adam spared you a curious glance. barbara, soon after.  
the four of you made your way off stage, to the attic, as the deetzes and their furniture invaded the house.  
”hey beej,” you needed to get beetlejuice away from the maitlands, so you could talk to them, but how? “you better spy on the new homeowners so we know what we’re working with.”  
”good idea!” he said.  
you grabbed his tie in your hand and pulled him close, “and don’t come back until you know what’ll scare them so hard they wished they’d never been born.” beetlejuice wasn’t very sure of himself, so you’d have a while.  
”sir, yes sir!” he ran off like a cartoon character, legs going the full 360.  
you turned to the maitlands, eyes flicking between them, trying to decide where to start.  
”who are you?” asked adam.  
”i’m y/n,” you said, “and i’m a demon, just like beetlejuice.” you grinned like the cheshire cat.  
the maitlands shared a concerned glance. “are you going to help us too?” asked barbara.  
”well, yes, but not the way you think i am.” you began pacing the floor. “first things first, don’t listen to a word that bastard says. the only things he wants is to be alive, and to get into your pants. the former being more important to him, no offense.”  
”so he wants to use us?” asked barbara.  
”yes, of course.”  
”and how do we know you don’t want to use us either?” she asked.  
”good question.” you paused to collect your thoughts, “i suppose you’ll just have to trust me.”  
the maitlands exchanged another look. do married people do that often? it was starting to get annoying. well, annoying that they weren’t looking at you like that.  
after a moment, adam said, “i don’t think we can fully trust you right now, but hopefully that’ll change.”  
”quite the optimist, huh? i envy you.” you said.  
how to best gain their trust? probably by being the antithesis of their experience with demons so far.  
about an hour later, the trio was still brainstorming a plan. “so, why can’t we just lock him into the netherworld again?” adam asked.  
”his mother.” you said.   
adam nodded, “right, right. we don’t want to put him through that.”  
barbara jumped in, ”and if we leave this place, we’ll be eaten by sandworms, but if we go to the netherworld,”  
”you’ll be in that waiting room for the rest of eternity, exactly.” you finished.  
you sat in silence for a minute, mulling over your options. so far it was seeming that beetlejuice was going to have to go back to his parent’s house.  
”what about sending him out to the sand worms?” asked barbara.  
”barbara, you’re a genius!” exclaimed adam.  
you imagined what would happen. “i think that’ll work.” you said. “oh! and we can put a protection spell on the house after he’s left! then , no demons will be able to get in.” you pulled out a copy of the handbook for the recently deceased, from seemingly nowhere. beej burned barbara’s copy of the book, but not adam’s.  
you placed the book on the floor, and you began looking for the spell with the maitlands looking over your shoulders.  
”do you know that a spell like that exists?” asked adam.  
”of course i do, i just don’t remember how to do it.” you said.  
”and do you know that it won’t expel you from the house too?” asked barbara.  
”i guess we’ll find out.” you turned to face her.  
”i hope it doesn-” barbara was cut off.  
”here it is!” exclaimed adam. “and it doesn’t say anything about expelling demons, just keeping them out.” adam skimmed the instructions.  
you turned back to the book, and the group sat in silence as you carefully read it all.  
you sat back, “i- we can do this.”   
the maitlands high-fived. god, they were adorable.  
”the real question is, do you still want the new homeowners out of this place? because if i’m being honest, beej would be better at that than me.” you said.  
the maitlands shared a look.  
”i-” barbara looked at adam, “i think we should talk about it.”  
”oh, of course.” you replied. “do you want me to give y’all some privacy?”  
”yes please.” said barbara.


End file.
